Why I blog

11 04 2011

I know the title to this post is terrible. “Laura, you haven’t updated this damn thing in almost two years! Why change your mind now?

Well, there’s the obvious – it’s my homework. Anyone reading this blog is being subjected into my ENG 401 homework. Congratulations.

There’s also the thought of why I blog, which came up in class on March 28th, and as I read Mary Gray’s piece, “From Websites to Wal-Mart” (featured in LGBT Identity and Online New Media).

There are plenty of reasons why I don’t blog. Schoolwork is more important. There’s not enough time in the day. When I do have free time, I spend it on OUTsource/UK GSA-related stuff, or waste time on Facebook, Twitter, or in other corners of the vast Internet. There’s also, of course, the idea that nobody is interested in what I have to say.

Then why do I blog?

Because it’s the only public space where I can comfortably express my thoughts and feelings. I often use Twitter, but can only express words in less than 140 characters. I’m very open around the local LGBT community, but only about 50 people may hear me. Facebook is definitely not the right place, because I’m a) out as bisexual to a limited number of people, and b) there are people on there (church friends, some high school friends, and less-approving relatives) who (I fear) may judge me. This also makes discussing these ideas with people, outside the LGBT community, out of the question.

Can I just delete the “haters”? Perhaps. The people I’m closest to on Facebook are the ones who know everything about me – or at least, they know that I’m involved with the LGBT community at UK. However, I feel like I can’t simply delete people who might judge me. Most of us have been there – you delete a Facebook friend, go somewhere, and run into that person. You stop and chat, and they’ll either say “I’ll talk to you” or “I’ll add you on Facebook!” Yeah. Almost everyone is aware that deleting a friend on FB is not equal to deleting them in real life.

Even though I’m an active member of the gay community (I volunteer with OUTsource, serve as a UK Gay-Straight Alliance officer, help with an LGBT radio (outloud! Queer Student Radio) and recently helped protest against hate preachers on campus), yet I’m afraid of what people would say if they knew that I was involved the community, that most of my friends are gay, or that I’m bisexual myself. I feel like I have to contain myself within certain areas, of both real life, and the internet.

With blogging, I can express my feelings without the fear of being judged. Sure, some of the world’s more ignorant people may stumble on this blog, and may make rude comments (thankfully this hasn’t happened yet), but I shouldn’t be worried – I don’t know these people!

I guess I have more of a problem with motivating myself to write than having something to say.



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